Shut Up!

Still waiting! 39 weeks and 2 days. I get to see Mr. Doc in about an hour and time is going so slow! I can't wait to see if I have progressed. Going to the doctor is the most exciting thing for pregnant people. I love doctor days I can hardly make it through work! My patience is about shot but I'm trying so hard to keep it together. Each night I get off work and either fall asleep or nest. Then I wait for hubby to get home. When he does I follow him around every room. If I dont see him I ask, "where did you go?" I'm so bored and anxious I'm like a leach! Finally 8:00 PM hits and I settling into my couchly dwelling and drift into sleep to "Sons of Guns or Moonshiners" that B loves to watch. Well last night I got a killer cramp in my leg and woke up in a panic on the couch. B was trying to help and say, "straighten it out," well all I could do was get mad and yell "SHUT UP" ...........Oh my I think this attitude is getting the best of me. He is always just trying to help and knows the right thing to do! And me, what a beast! I didn't feel bad until this morning, and apologized to him right away.  I hope I'm not too mean  or unleash this crazy beast inside of me while in labor! I guess we'll see....but for now I can say to myself shut up and quit being a beast!

Practicing Patience

Tomorrow will be the 3•Niner! 39 weeks pregs and still no baby! To say the least I am very anxious and my fears of labor have fully vanished, so here I wait and wonder, "will today be the BIG D day?" I can hardly sit in this anxious room at work and definitely can't concentrate on aviation listings or ad changes. Honestly I daydream, thinking: "what if my water breaks walking to the printer, in front of all these coworkers" or what if: "it breaks while sitting in my chair and the guys around me can hear me peeing my amniotic fluid onto the floor"....honestly... I could care less I think I would jump up and just run out of this place. I'm that ready to have this baby. I will endure any pain, any embarrassment, really whatever it takes at this point! I think that is why God makes you wait 9 months because that last month honestly prepares you physically and mentally to go through whatever!

My latest challenge has been the belly comments. Or that I look so big I'm gonna have this 8, 9, 10 lb giant child. Really why do people think that, I'm full term, almost 40 wks pregnant, almost maxed out..... I'm supposed to look huge and my belly should most definitely be large & round. I have a life size child in there! I want a big ole healthy bundle of joy! All the more cheeks to kiss and rolls to cuddle! Really that is all we care about, people are always judging the outside, and what things appear to be. All that counts is what's on the inside! I guess one more lesson to teach and preach to little bubba bee!

So as I sit anxiously and wait and wait and wait. I have decided to change my mentality and anxiousness. I have no control over what is going to happen or when its going to happen, so I should use this time to practice my patience. I'm going to stop looking at today at tomorrow and obsessing on due dates, time lines, convenience. I need to just live right now and be thankfully my baby is still thriving in my womb! Safely in there with me all the time, I can feel its every movement, I need to cherish this feeling, for this too will pass. Time goes so quickly anyway..... He/She will come when ready and my body will know when that time has come. So for now, I will continue to prepare, enjoy my last days being pregnant, be lazy, waddle around, admire my belly...and just wait to meet my little honey and just live in the moment! Its helping me practice the much needed patience I will need the many years ahead as a parent!

“The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one“

Tick Tock Tick Tock!!

Tick Tock Tick Tock.....Its been 38.5 wks that I have been pregnant carrying my first baby. That long...really?! Isn't it crazy to think, I have been creating a human life inside me? Its really so amazing & such a miracle.... ! Some days I can say I think to myself, "what have I done today, what did I accomplish".... I can truly say..."I created a home for my child to grow, a lung for him or her to breathe, a beating heart, a little hand to hold, a beautiful smile to kiss!" I wanted to write a little letter to my baby to wish him or her well into this world. It's a scary place but fear not baby wilson, I am here to greet you with open arms today, tomorrow, and forever!!

Dear Baby -
Here we are just weeks or possibly days away from meeting each other for the 1st time. I have thought about you for months, pictured you in my mind, looked into the future, laughed, and cried for hopes and fears for you. I'm patiently awaiting your arrival into this wonderful world. I already love you more than anything, you already make me so proud, you already have stolen my heart forever! I pray for you everyday and will see to it you always stay safe, loved, and protected. I am here to greet you with open arms today, tomorrow, and forever!!
See you very soon my dear child! 
All my Love - Mommy!